Supporting Mental Health During College Applications: Tips for Parents

Applying to college is undeniably a stressful experience for both you and your child. But there are ways in which you can ease their stress, and yours, without diminishing the likelihood of their success. Here are a few handy and actionable tips to do so:

1. Help your child make the right choices of colleges to apply to

You want to ensure your child is applying to the right schools for them–with a good balance of reach, match, and safety schools. Their school counselor can help them be realistic about these, but it is also important for you to help them make sensible choices about where they are applying so that they can maximize their chances. 

A reminder here that many colleges have become increasingly competitive, and often bear resemblance to each other in terms of academic standards. So, it is possible that what you would have considered a safety school for yourself is now a reach-or-match school for your child. A reminder here too: in all the heightened anxiety of college applications, your child is likely to remember any observations you make out loud about certain schools, so be careful when expressing these when you’re with them.

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2. Forward Planning

Applying to college is a long, involved process. Encouraging your child to start preparing for standardized tests early, to plan their summers in advance, and to start their essays early (ideally in the summer after their junior year and in the early fall of senior year) will help them avoid intense last-minute stress. 

You can also talk through your child’s activities and interests with them to help them winnow down the activities which they choose to invest their time in. That way, they aren’t spreading themselves too thin across a range of disconnected activities.

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3. Routine

There are undoubtedly going to be some late nights along the way, but helping your child maintain a good routine–with good sleep, healthy meals, exercise, and time for friends–is likely to help them do better academically and feel calmer and better about themselves. 

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4. It’s (like) a Game

Ultimately, the college admission process is a complex game of chance and strategy. There are so many factors influencing the process that are completely out of your child’s control. There is no point in worrying about these. 

It is also important to remind your child and yourself that all they can do is try their best to form an application profile that will place them into a smaller pool of applicants from whom admissions officers will then randomly pick. This is an infuriating and relieving feature of the process. But, in this case, they really really can only try their best, and the rest is out of their control.

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5. Positive reinforcement

Your child is likely very stressed and working very hard. Keep acknowledging their hard work and reiterating your belief in them. Even if they appear to be apathetic, it is likely because they are scared. Praising their hard work and helping them to break down what they need to do into manageable steps will help them focus on the little things they can do to boost their chances of success, without being overwhelmed by the bigger picture. 

For example, the desire to sit down and write a perfect personal essay in a single day may lead them to delay writing it at all. Rather, encourage them to spend a couple of hours every day working on it, and to measure their success by their level of focus and time spent rather than what they have produced.

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6. Stay in your own lane.

Obviously, it's easier said than done, but because of the sheer number of applicants and the strong influence of chance, it really is impossible to predict who colleges are going to admit. Encourage your child to play to their strengths in their college applications, and to try to ignore the apparent strengths of others. Yes, that other boy at your son’s school may have started their own company, but that by no means suggests he will be chosen over your son. (Like really!)

Supporting your child’s mental health during the college application process is just as important as building a strong application. Encouraging balance, fostering open communication, and providing reassurance can make all the difference in managing stress while helping your child put their best foot forward. 

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